"Johnny," Tammy cut in. "I know what you're trying to say. I know, and I appreciate it." He paused, suddenly not very tired at all, letting long seconds tick by before speaking again. "You do, huh?" "Yeah," she said, nodding. "Mind telling me what you think you know," John asked cautiously. "Precisely what you're trying to say, and why," Tammy replied, her voice somewhere between relieved and tired, it was hard to tell. "That whole reading you like a book thing, remember?" "Oh," John said, softly. "Yeah. I don't quite know what to say to that." "Don't say anything," she said. "There's nothing TO say, really." "Oh?" John asked, unsure what she meant by that statement. "Yeah," Tammy answered, smiling a small smile. "You know you and I don't have to talk to tell each other something important." "I like that," John whispered, something warm taking up residence in his brain. "Me, too," she said. "I like that a lot. It's part of why I keep you around." "You don't say," he laughed. "I thought it was because we were such good friends." "It is, silly," Tammy giggled. "It is." "So," John asked. "Not to bring the mood down at all with the serious, heartfelt soul searching conversation, at all..." "Shoot," she answered. "No secrets, sweetie. And no pussy footing." "Okay," John started. "How long have you known?" "Oh," she said, taking a deep breath and letting it out slowly as she answered. "Oh, honey, I've ALWAYS known." "Always?" "Well, I had my suspicions," she continued. "Seeing it written all over your face and on your sleeve on the trip cinched it, though." John felt his shoulders and spirits sag. "Oh. Must seem pretty foolish and indecisive to you, huh?" "No," she whispered into the microphone. "But... well... things are the way they are, you know? I try to be zen about this shit." "You seem to be doing a pretty good job of it," he told her. "It takes practice, and lots of therapy," she said, bringing a little levity into the conversation. "But... you know, you shouldn't feel bad, John." "Why not?" "Because unlike some people, I appreciate what you do for me," she said, flatly. "And I'll tell you, if things were different..." "If things were different, what?" he asked, more than a little uncomfortable. "Well," she said, rolling her head from left to right and making what John had to assume were noises of relief as he heard the sounds of her neck popping over the speakers. "Damn, that was loud... Well, if things were different, they'd be different. But, they're not." "Sorry," John said, remorse tinging his tone. "I should have kept my mouth shut." "No, don't apologize," Tammy retorted. "Just... let things be where they are, John. Try to stop putting things into terms that you can deal with, and just let things be, okay? And for the love of God, man, take your head out of the box it's in and see the sun, okay?" "I...," John began, cocking his head to the side. "I'm not sure I know what you mean by that, but... Okay. I'll try." "Good," she laughed. "Now, it's late, but I don't want to go to bed. What are we going to talk about?" John shook his head, sighing. "Weirdo." "Takes one to know one." "Yeah, okay," he said, smiling weakly. "Well... I was just thinking, I don't think I'll write my novel about sapient cats, any more..." "No?" she frowned, lips pursed. "But I liked that idea!" John shrugged. "I know, but it really wasn't going anywhere, you know?" "That's too bad," Tammy complained, disappointed. "But you're the writer, so it's your call. What are you going to do?" "I was thinking a sort of off- kilter romance story," John explained. "Something a little off beat, not entirely unreasonable, but just weird enough to make people believe that it really could happen... or that maybe it really did." "Ooh," Tammy trilled, smiling. "Tell me about it? How does it start?" "Hang on," John said, thinking back to what he'd started to write to her just a few short weeks ago. Weeks that felt like years, now that he thought about it as more than just a passage of time. "I'll write it up really quick, and send it to you." "Great!" Tammy said, grinning into the camera. "I can't wait!" "Now, be honest," John told her. "If someone said this to you... how would you react?" "Depends on who's saying it, and who I am when I'm reading it," she answered. "Am I me or am I someone else when I'm reading this?" "Be you," John said, finishing up the last bit of the text and hitting the send button. "And for kicks, let's say that I'm the one saying it..." "Okay," she said, retrieving her mail and opening it. John watched her eyes scan the text, and watched her face closely as she put a hand to her mouth, slowly reading the words over again. "Well?" he asked finally, voice soft. "What do you think?"